


I Don't Belong Here (yet they won't let me go)

by destielwithashotgun



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: Angst, Dyslexic JJ, Epileptic JJ, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, JJ deserves Better, Other, Seizures, Vomiting, adhd JJ, autistic pope, but I'm gonna put him through some stuff, cuz im mean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:29:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25235473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destielwithashotgun/pseuds/destielwithashotgun
Summary: JJ lives with the Heywards now. They're supposed to take care of him. JJ's not used to being taken care of.Technically a sequel to "I Know That There’ll Be Better Days" but you don't have to read that to read this.
Relationships: JJ & Heyward, JJ & Mrs. Heyward, JJ & Pope, JJ & Pope & Kiara
Comments: 7
Kudos: 124





	I Don't Belong Here (yet they won't let me go)

**Author's Note:**

> WOW. To everybody who has been commenting (yes, I know all your names) thank you so, so much. You guys are the reason I write. I love you all.

Pope is a weird kid. He's awkward. That might possibly be JJ's fault, because the entire breakfast they sit through together, JJ doesn't say a word. Pope is apparently not great at making conversation on his own. Not like his mom, who could probably talk to a tree if she thought it needed taken care of. 

JJ has two modes: Doesn't Shut Up, and Won't Say a Word. 

His file at school says he has ADHD. And Dyslexia. But the ADHD part is obvious, in the fact that JJ doesn't sit still. He doesn't focus well. And if he's around someone he's comfortable with, he doesn't Shut Up. 

(He's not comfortable around the Heywards yet). 

He doesn't like the fact that Pope had seen one of his seizures. First of all, Pope had no right to be in his room. 

(Even though JJ had literally collapsed with a 103 degree fever and Pope was justifiably worried). 

Second, seizures were embarrassing. JJ looked like he was possessed by a fucking demon every time. At least that's what he assumed it was like. Half the time he vomited after. Sometimes he pissed himself. 

(And wasn't that just the cherry on top of the fucking cake). 

So forgive JJ if he wasn't quite ready to throw a party with the kid who was his new foster brother, apparently. 

Heyward didn't talk much either, thought he wasn't as nervous about it. He was silent most of the time JJ was around him, and it usually put JJ on edge. Sometimes his dad had been the same way when he was really mad, and he stayed silent until he was ready to beat his own kid. 

(It was a quiet day the day he beat JJ's brains out of his skull). 

Mrs. Heyward wasn't actually home a lot. She went to the main land for business alot, while Heyward and Pope ran the store JJ had stole from. He wished she would stay. She wasn't intimidating, or awkward, and she didn't treat him like he would break. 

She WAS careful not to make too many sudden movements toward him, which Heyward had apparently not mastered yet. And he probably wouldn't ever. JJ still wasn't convinced that Pope's father wasn't secretly some asshole behind closed doors. 

Pope was certainly jumpy enough to suggest it. 

(He learned later that Pope was just like that around him.) 

The night JJ had gotten sick, he had woken up to find both the Heyward adults in his room. He wasn't sure how to feel about that. At the time, his feverish mind had registered them as Safe, and he was able to fall asleep with relative ease. 

They had managed to bring his temperature down without having to take him to the hospital, though according to Mrs. Heyward, it had been a close call. 

(She told him he could call her Rose. He wasn't going to do that.) 

It was his first day at their house, and when he thought about it his skin crawled. They had packed ice under his arms and in his groin, which was embarrassing and creepy. He had puked over the side of the bed, making a mess on the carpet that they had to clean up. 

Sometimes he felt like he was just waiting for punishment for that. Every time he was alone with Heyward, he made some sort of excuse to get out of there. Being on his own with the man made him cold. 

The third day he lived with them, Pope had a friend over. JJ only saw her because he left the bedroom to go to the bathroom. He recognized her immediatly.

"You're JJ, right? I'm Kiara." She was the pretty girl that had sat with Pope and that kid John B in middle school, the kook who had apparently kept him from choking on his own puke when he had his first seizure outside of The Wreck. 

"Yeah," he mumbled, ducking his head and walking around her, desperate to get out of that fun situation. 

"Don't mind him, he's like that with everybody," he heard Pope tell her as he turned his back toward them. 

He assumed they would let him go without argument. 

"Hey JJ," Kiara said. JJ paused, glaring at her. He didn't want to hear shit about his dad, or his seizure, or whatever a kook like her was probably going to make fun of. "Those shoes you're wearing were made by children in factories. You should find a new brand," she informed him. 

JJ paused, glancing down at his shoes. The social worker had given them to him, and a few other clothing items when she realized the condition most of his clothes were in. By the time he looked back up, Pope and Kiara were already downstairs, talking happily with Heyward. 

Two nights later, Mrs. Heyward informed him that she would be going to the mainland for a week to visit some old friends. She asked if he was going to be comfortable in their house without her. 

(The answer was no). 

He told her he would be fine. 

He didn't want to be the selfish kid who made her stay home when she was doing him a favor by taking him in anyway, and God knew he didn't actually deserve that. She smiled at him, a bright, winning smile, and JJ pretty much grimaced back. 

When she left, she hugged Pope goodbye. Pope pulled away quickly, flapping his hands for some reason. JJ thought of the last time his mom had hugged him. 

(He decided he wouldn't have pulled away. Not if it had been his mom). 

The second she was gone, so was JJ. He slipped out the back, and started walking through yards. The Heywards had one of those houses that were close to all the other Less Poor people on the cut. 

His plan was to stay away from the house as long as he possibly could while Mrs. Heyward was gone. That way he wouldn't have to be around Heyward, who scared him as much as he didn't want to admit it. And he wouldn't have to be around Pope, who always looked at him nervously, like he was afraid that maybe JJ would snap and punch him in the face, or worse, collapse and start spasming right there. 

He walked down to the beach, sat on the sand, and wished he had his surfboard. It was still at his house, which he wasn't allowed to go to, even though it was still HIS house. There was some kid with too much hair out on the waves, and presumably his girlfriend floating a little farther from him cheering him on. 

JJ walked down a little farther, down to the Boneyard, and sat down under what was practically a tent of dead trees. With the sun on the sand in front of him, and the exhaustion from being wary of falling asleep at the Heywards, it wasn't hard for JJ to take a nap right there. 

When he woke up it was dark. 

It immediately put JJ on edge. Would Heyward be mad at him for staying out late? Probably. JJ had no idea what time it was. Maybe he should just stay out until morning. Maybe they wouldn't even notice. God knows his dad never noticed. But part of JJ was more scared of what Heyward would do if he stayed out all night. 

Whatever he did tonight couldn't be worse than what JJ's dad had done on a regular basis. 

The door wasn't locked like he half expected when he got back. But Heyward was in the kitchen, arms crossed, staring right at the front door as JJ walked in. JJ froze. 

"Where have you been?" Heyward asked. His voice was filled with that forced calm JJ had heard on too many adults. 

"Out," JJ kept it short, calm, and attempted to hide the fear behind the word. 

"I'm aware that you were 'out'. I want to know why you didn't think you needed to be home on time, or why you didn't tell me where you were going." 

"I'm 16," JJ said. "I don't need to tell you where I'm going whenever I go out. I've been taking care of myself for years!" 

Heyward sat back against his chair and sighed. JJ knew immediately that he made a mistake. "Come here," Heyward said, gesturing for JJ to move forward. JJ didn't take a single step, frozen to the ground. His shoulders tensed. 

Clearly Heyward saw something in his expression that he understood. He sighed again. "I don't hit kids, JJ. Not even kids who directly disobeyed my rules. Now sit your ass at the table so I can tell you exactly why I'm angry." 

JJ sat his ass at the table. 

"You know, if DCS finds out we've been letting you run wild, they might take you away. You understand that? I don't think you want to go to a group home on the mainland, do you JJ? And my wife would be pretty unhappy if they took you away, so you need to learn to follow my rules. They're here for a reason." 

JJ didn't nod, but he met Heywards eyes and they weren't angry. 

Heyward pushed back from the table. "And you missed dinner," he informed JJ. 

JJ scoffed. "That's not the first time I've missed a meal," he said. He didn't understand the look Heyward gave him next. 

"I know. And I'm sorry for not figuring that out earlier." And then he just LEFT. Just walked away like he hadn't apologized to JJ for something that was clearly not his fault, and JJ had never had anyone apologize for things that WERE their fault, so he's not exactly well versed in trying to figure that shit out. 

It took him a minute to realize Pope was there. He shifted, and nodded at the microwave. "I saved you some stuff from dinner. You can heat it up or eat it cold, it's good either way." And then he was gone too, leaving JJ to sit there and wonder about both of those interactions. 

He was still wondering in the morning, when he tipped his pill bottle over and realized he only had one pill left. 

Like a dumbass, he shook the bottle like more were going to magically appear or something. Nope. He had one pill. 

He sat on the edge of the guest bed and considered his options. He still had a week until Mrs. Heyward got home, and he didn't want to ask Heyward for more. Even though the man hadn't hit him last night, that didn't mean JJ wasn't still uncomfortable around him. 

He decided he'd be good for a week, right? He could take this final pill and get more when Mrs. Heyward came back. Besides, it would take a while for the drugs to get out of his system anyway, so things would be fine. 

Things were not fine. 

The third day without Mrs. Heyward, he woke up from a nightmare. 

(It wasn't the first, and it wouldn't be the last). 

It was his dad of course, his dad who was awaiting trial, and his dad who was coming toward him with a belt and a bottle. JJ could practically FEEL the glass shards in his skin when he woke up. The scars on his back tingled. He didn't go back to sleep. 

He felt sick for most of the day. He assumed it was from the nightmare, which had made him stuttery and weak in the past. 

(JJ hated himself for it, hated himself for letting his father get to him like that, hated himself for being weak). 

Heyward made him and Pope help with the dishes after dinner. Pope had lost the nervous look in his eyes when he got close to JJ, but JJ noticed that Pope still didn't like touch all that much. Even just their arms brushing together made him grimace. It wasn't just when he touched JJ either. 

JJ had about five seconds to realize what was really happening before he went down. 

The nausea increased, and bile rose to his throat. Suddenly there was a roaring sound in his ears, like the time he had reached the surface after wiping out just to see another wave coming at him. He was on the floor before he could think "oh shit." 

(Somebody said his name as he went down. They sounded worried.) 

He came to 3 minutes and 7 seconds later. There was something under his head. His muscles hurt, and his head was pounding. The nausea subsided a bit, and then came back full force and JJ groaned. 

Somebody (maybe two somebodies) lifted him under the arms and got him over the sink just in time for him to puke, throwing up dinner into the metal basin. It didn't taste any better coming up than it did going down. 

(Heyward had been trying a new recipe. It hadn't gone well.) 

The hands lowered him back down to the floor while JJ tried to get his bearings. He was on the kitchen floor. He was slightly dizzy. He had just had a seizure. Heyward was kneeling in front of him, tilting his chin up so he could look at JJ's eyes. Pope was behind his dad, looking terrified. 

"JJ. You feeling ok?" Heyward's voice was just a little bit too loud, and the light was too bright, and the floor was too cold. JJ winced. "Ok, c'mon, you have to help me a little here." 

Somehow Heyward knew exactly what to do, and he and Pope practically manhandled him onto the couch in the living room where it was less bright. He softened his voice. "JJ, look at me. Are you doing ok?" 

Pope returned from the kitchen with a cup of water. 

(JJ honesly hadn't seen him leave.)

As he came back to his senses, a bit less disoriented, he realized how close Heyward was. He pushed himself back into the couch. " 'm fine." 

Heyward backed up a bit. His brow was still furrowed in concern, but he did look a little more relaxed. 

"Your meds might not be working as well as we hoped they were. We can go back to the doctors tomorrow, maybe see if they have any other ideas." 

Without thinking, JJ told the truth. "They're gone." 

"What?" Too late, JJ realized his mistake. Heyward had looked confused at first, but it melted away to something between disbelief and anger. 

"Did you just say you're out of your meds?" he asked. It was too late to deny it now. JJ nodded. Instead of getting angry, Heyward turned to Pope. "The pharmacy is still open," he instructed Pope on how to pick up the perscription. After Pope left, Heyward backed up a little. JJ didn't like the way his gaze fell on him. 

"JJ." JJ didn't look up. "JJ." 

Heyward sat down in the armchair across the room, but leaned forward. JJ glared at him, and sank back into the couch. 

"Why didn't you tell me you were out of your pills?"

To be honest, JJ didn't really know. He wasn't comfortable asking Heyward. Maybe it was all his Trauma or whatever, but he didn't want to admit that asking Heyward scared him. Heyward sighed, and JJ was starting to realize he did that a lot. 

"Ok JJ, listen to me now. You can tell me when you're out of medicine. You can come to me if you have any problems whatsoever. You don't need to feel bad for asking me to get you something, you don't need to be afraid of asking me for anything. I want you to be comfortable here, but I need you to be honest with me too." 

"I wasn't afraid," JJ mumbled. Something loosened in his chest. 

Heyward sat back. "OK," he said. "I believe you." 

JJ nodded, relieved for some reason. 

(Two minutes later JJ threw up in the sink again. Heyward held him up the entire time).


End file.
